Every student entering my online high school English class first encounters a simple, probably groan-inducing “get to know you” survey. Often their responses reflect the kinds of anxieties or ambitions we might expect students to carry into an English class — “I’m not much of a reader,” or “I want to be a journalist one day” — but lately, I’ve noticed that there’s one question students seem to respond to a bit more thoughtfully: “What is one thing you want your teacher to know about you?”
One student wrote, “My mother died last year.” Another shared, “I don’t know what to do with my life.” What astonishes me about responses like these is that there are a million ways these students could have answered the question, and yet this is what they chose to tell me, a virtual stranger. In a single sentence, they’ve opened a door and are saying, “See me.” And in an age when high schoolers are turning to AI tutors and other digital tools for information, answers, and — wrenchingly — connection, that open door can be awfully important.
There are many ways to do this well, but I have found five essential things to be so that I can make meaningful connections with my students:
- Be attentive
- Be intentional
- Be flexible
- Be responsive
- Be human
- Be Attentive: Notice When a Door Opens
Being attentive can be as simple as noticing what’s important to students and remembering what they’ve shared with you. One of my students wrote a personal response assignment about watching a hockey game with her dad. Weeks later, I asked her whether she’d seen the game the night before and her face lit up. It was clear that she was touched that I had remembered her passion for hockey.
Of course, not every student gives you much to work with; sometimes your way in is commenting on the hoodie they are wearing of their favourite musician or the poster you see on the wall behind them. I’ll often jot down little notes about students so I don’t have to rely solely on my memory. Remembering these little details shows students that they’re more than just words that vanish into the void. So, pay attention when those doors crack open.
- Be Intentional: Create Opportunities For Connection
Once a student has given you a way in, look for opportunities to keep that connection going. One simple way to do this is by making the things you already do feel more personal.
For example, if you offer virtual “office hours,” try making them open-ended and let your students decide what they want that time to be for. Sometimes, my students will go over assignment expectations or rough drafts with me, but we might just as easily talk about Minecraft, ballet, Bob Ross, university applications, or wherever else is on the student’s mind.
You can also create opportunities for connection right in the middle of your ordinary teaching routine. Typing feedback on a student’s assignment may be more efficient, but occasionally offering audio or video feedback can give students a little more of your personality. Breaking up your usual routine now and then can open a door to a connection where there wasn’t one before.
- Be Flexible: Offer Different Ways to Connect
One of the drawbacks of an online classroom is also its greatest advantage: flexible participation. Some students thrive on video calls; others are paralyzed by the pressure of being “on” in the moment; others may simply need time to formulate their thoughts before sharing what’s on their mind. Email or discussion forums are helpful media for students like these.
While many schools require cameras to be on for accountability, attendance, or plain old common courtesy, having a student’s face on the screen doesn’t guarantee that they are connecting with you. A student can have their camera on while feeling totally spaced-out, lost, or deer-in-the-headlights. Offering lower-pressure options can actually unlock the kind of participation and eventual relationship you’re looking for.
I saw this play out with a student who frequently cancelled our video check-ins. It would have been easy to interpret her cancellations as disinterest, but on a hunch, I stopped pushing for meetings and shifted to asynchronous email. As trust grew through writing, she eventually felt comfortable meeting face-to-face and willingly turned her camera on. Our relationship then evolved into something enriching for both of us.
Flexibility does require some discernment, though. You don’t want to inadvertently lower your expectations or give students a free pass to disappear. But reducing the social pressure can — for more students than you’d think — make authentic connection possible.
- Be Responsive: Listen and Adjust
Online classrooms make it relatively easy to ask students what they need. A quick survey can tell you whether students are feeling overwhelmed, confused, bored, or happily on track. But this is only useful if we’re willing to listen and respond. Being responsive can involve a practical change like adjusting a deadline, clarifying an assignment, or scrapping an approach that isn’t working. Responding well can also require a skill close to my heart as an English teacher: inference, or reading between the lines to sense when something has changed in your class or in an individual student.
I had a student several years ago who had started out very punctual and engaged, but his work started to feel rushed and he was even missing deadlines. Nothing in our regular interactions explained the change, so with some trepidation, I checked in. I was worried that something might be wrong between us, or that I might be about to uncover a problem I wouldn’t know how to solve. Instead, to my great relief, he admitted that he was so absorbed in a novel series that he hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else.
I made a deal with him: I would read the first book in the series so we could spend the last ten minutes of each class talking about it, if he gave more effort to his work and adhered to the deadlines we’d agreed to. It worked. What a delightful win-win for an English teacher! That class has long since ended, but we still occasionally exchange emails about those books.
- Be Human: Let Students See You
Let your students see a little of the person behind the screen. Share something about your weekend, your dog, or something your kid said that made you laugh. Tell them about the book you’re reading. Try a little self-deprecating humour, or be willing to let your students make a harmless joke at your expense. One time, I accidentally posted “November 31” as an essay deadline. My students immediately pounced on my mistake, joking that they’d never have to finish the assignment — and “November 31” became our inside joke. Little glimpses of who you are gives students a reassuring sense that the teacher on the other side of the screen is a real person who walks dogs, cooks dinner, makes typos, and is marvelously, messily human.
If I am honest, I miss the types of relationships I was able to build as a brick-and-mortar teacher. Online teaching is different. However, meaningful relationships are still possible with the students we don’t see every day. We just need to create more opportunities for connection, and be willing to step through the door when a student opens it.
About the Author
Heather Smid
M.A. (English Literature)
Source:
Chacon Valdez, Yovanna & Gaudet, Olivier & Verner-Filion, Jeremie & Véronneau, Marie-Hélène. (2024). Perceptions of the teacher–student relationship climate and the development of academic motivation in high school: a transactional analysis. Educational Psychology. 44. 1-19. 10.1080/01443410.2024.2311672.
